I have been accused on more than one occasion of being a little too negative and cynical. Maybe. Sometimes if I think too hard about what I eat or my carbon footprint I end up with nothing to do but sit and chew my fingernails. It’s not just me though. That icon of quirky poetry, that sweet Giving Tree guy, probably had fingernails for breakfast too.
Food Blues by Shel Silverstein
I was waitin’ in Rosie’s Restaurant
When the waiter came up and said, “What do you want?”
I looked at the menu — it looked so nice
Till he said, “Let me give you some advice”
He said, “Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch,
Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart.
There’s hormones in chicken and beef and veal.
Bowl of ravioli is a dead man’s meal.
Bread got preservatives, there’s nitrites in ham,
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam.
Stay away from donuts. Run away from pie.
Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die.
Sugar rots your teeth and make you put on weight.
But artificial sweetener’s got cyclamates.
Eggs got cholesterol. There’s fat in cheese.
Coffee ruins your kidneys, and so does tea.
Fish got mercury. Red meat is poison.
Salt’s gonna send your blood pressure risin’.
Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes.
Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides.”
So I said, “What can I eat that’s gonna make me last?”
He said, “A small drink of water in a sterilized glass.”
And then he stopped and he thought for a minute,
And said, “Never mind the water — there’s carcinogenics in it.”
So I got up from the table and walked out in the street
Realizing there was nothing I could eat.
I ain’t eaten for a month, and I’m feeling fine…
‘Cause he did not mention
Beer, whiskey, women and sweet red wine.
Point of View by Shel Silverstein
Oh how I once loved tuna salad
Pork and lobsters, lamb chops too
Till I stopped and looked at dinner
From the dinners point of view.