Surely a girl doesn’t leave Stepford unless she has another man lined up, right?
It’s true. I met him on the Internet. That’s the new way to do it I hear. We met sort of accidentally, when I registered for a Red Cross CPR class online. He is stoic and silicone. He’s fucking perfect. So go ahead and talk, bitches. He doesn’t even care I don’t iron and we like all the same movies.
So here is the story of how we met. I signed up for this Red Cross CPR/AED/First Aid thing-y as a part of my quest to become a Spinning instructor. See, here in this alternate universe I have created, I have to try to turn every little hobby into something that can pay the rent.
I ride a bike, for hours and hours. A bike that goes nowhere, just like…well never mind. Anyhoo, why not get paid to ride to nowhere? Gyms like the idea of you being able to resuscitate anyone that you might cardio into defib. So I sign myself up for CPR.
When explaining to my kids the purpose of knowing CPR the eldest said, “Oh, I wouldn’t want to do that, that would be scary.” Yes, it is scary and no one wants to do it. It is, however, our obligation to help people that are sick or hurt. It’s part of being human, it’s part of your job here on planet Earth.
You may not be a life guard, teacher or nurse. You may not be professionally obligated to have these skills. You may be a careful person, eat your vegetables, and be all ‘glass half-full’ and shit. Congratulations. I have compiled a short list of reasons that you may want to consider when deciding to certify yourself in CPR or at least visit the Red Cross’s web page to get some basic information. Here’s the list:
- You are human. So are the people around you. Bad shit happens sometimes.
Here are a few statistics that may convince you.
- Adults with diagnosed heart disease just walking around, 26.8 million
- 795,000 people experience a stroke annually
- In 2007, 277,193 death certificates mentioned heart failure
- Every 39 seconds someone dies of cardiovascular disease
- 25.8 million children and adults in the United States have diabetes. Adults with diabetes have heart disease death rates about 2 to 4 times higher than adults without diabetes.
Those statistics make for plenty of opportunities that might have CPR/AED/First Aid training come in handy. It’s sort of scary really. The cardiovascular health of most American’s makes them a bit of a ticking time bomb. Chances are someone in your family has heart disease or diabetes. This could be a good thing to know. Follow the link, sign up for a class.
My mind has opened to a lot of possibilities in the last three months. So when I found out the man of my dreams goes by the name Anne, I didn’t write off our relationship. Anne was no Uma, that was for sure, but she taught me a lot. This is Ann Arbor and love transcends gender. After all, she didn’t ask, and I wasn’t going to tell. Wait ’til they find out about her in Stepford….